Anger is an emotion which makes and breaks a relationship, career, and bonding between an individual. It is always an unpleasant feeling which lingers at the moment when an argument leads to drastic consequences. People then fall in the trap of guilt and are burdened by the heaviness of stress. Some people don’t feel anything at all as anger has become a habitual ritual to them.
Anger is going to be there, it’s an emotion to set out the frustration within ourselves. It is a guest who has to be welcomed but not entertained. When it visits us we should see to it that it doesn’t stay long with us, which would turn out to be the most expensive visitor taking with it all our precious gifts of life… like friends, family members, colleagues, career… etc.
The choice of keeping this weeded visitor with us is within our thought, expressions and behaviour. The moment we choose to remove this guest from our lives, we have to start preparing and working towards the control of anger. First of all, it is very imperative to understand that anger plays a vital role in creating havoc in our lives. Ego above the required level helps to fuel the anger within our mind and behaviour. Anything said which hurts the ego will lead to discomfort and there will be a feeling of the attack on the self-esteem. To maintain the self-esteem at desired state anger is triggered and to satisfy the egoistic mind frame we retaliate by over-talking, raising our voice, abusing and going to an extent of physically harming someone.
Anger is also developed to show our strength in the society, to display power and to create fear in people’s mind so that no one retaliates or bow down to the atrocities. Again it depends from person to person on how the anger triggers and before its departure what destruction it causes.
It is very important to control anger, to bring about tranquillity, calmness, patience and harmony in one’s life.
There are 7 Steps which can be followed to bring anger under control.
The 1st Step: Thinking
We don’t know when anger will pay a visit to us. It could be around the corner to pay us a visit. Any small situation leading to hurt our ego and self-esteem, anger will be the visitor. When this situation arises, it is very important to take control of the situation and get into the thinking mode.
Try to analyze the situation, with the understanding of the situation, make up your mind if the argument is necessary. Even if you feel it is necessary will it benefit both the parties involved? If there are no benefits (in most of the cases) is it essential to react to the situation and start an argument.
The 2nd Step: Calm and relaxed
It will seem to be difficult to stay calm while angered. This is the challenge. Take the challenge and get yourself accustomed to staying calm in a situation that demands anger. The only way you can bypass the anger is by trying to maintain calmness and be relaxed by controlling the egoistic urge to get even with someone who has elicited anger.
The 3rd Step: Take a walk – try to be out of the situation
Taking a walk after letting the situation pass-by is very important. This helps an individual to really retrospect the situation that just happened and it also gives time to come out of the egoistic mindset. The importance being that we get some time to spend with ourselves get our mind relaxed and see the situation from outside. Also, we set ourselves free from anyone who helps fume the fire of anger by instigating us to retaliate. Spending some time with oneself helps to empathize thus assist an individual to see the situation from the perception of the person involved.
The 4th Step and the most important: Forgiveness
Though difficult, it is better to forgive. Not for anyone else but for ourselves. If we live with the guilt of hurting someone or with the feeling of not able to maintain a relationship, what will happen to the way we think and behave, will it be congenial to other people and will we be able to maintain the same bonding with others. All in all, we will be at the brink of breaking down again and again thus causing a lot of distress to ourselves. At times we are harsh to ourselves too. With a broken relationship, totally devastated communication attributes and with no one to talk to and listen to us, who do you think is going to suffer?
With forgiveness comes a feeling of calmness within. If the feeling of forgiveness is letting oneself bow down to the ego of another person then it is wrong. Forgiveness should be from the mind; so that the thought of any ego clashes should we warded off. The best tool against anger, reduce stress and avoid over-thinking. Forgiveness once practised ego and self-esteem stays balance thus paving the way to greater good i.e. Gratitude
The 5th Step: Laugh
“Laughing is the best medicine”. When a situation demands you to get angry, just try to visualize and imagine any incident or anecdotes that would change your mindset and make you laugh. This is the best way to come out of the tensed situation and immediately change your emotional quotient to a happy mood. It’s a very effective way to divert the mind and instantly change the emotions.
The 6th Step: Meditation
The above steps that we discussed are incomplete unless and until we really set our mind to do it. There should be a strong desire to change the thought process. The best way to bring about the change is to do meditation and start developing inner peace by controlling the negative thought that brings distress. Starting meditation for 5 to 10 minutes initially and then gradually increasing the time frame will result in better control over other emotional traits that play hurdles in the path to success. Meditation on a regular basis will ultimately lead you to connect with the universe with positive affirmation manifesting the path towards success.
The 7th Step: Retrospection and Analysing
Once the peace of mind is attained, then it is very important to find out the reason for the outburst of angered emotion. Only this time we have to visit our past, think about any occurrence, situation, circumstances or any behaviour by others that prompted or drove us to exhibit the anger out-burst. Finding this is of utmost importance as the weed have to removed from the point of existence, i.e. from its roots or else it can again grow into a weed that would destroy our life and bring sadness, feeling of guilt, lack of happiness and total disaster to our lovely life.
Though it sounds very easy and simple to control anger, the reality is, it is not an easy task, and you will have to face many challenges to bring about the balance. A commitment so strong to get the balance is very much needed to get the end result. It is a fight within us that has to be brought under our control. Mind, ego and higher self-esteem are the major cause, to bring about a change we have to rise against all the traits and saddle our thought process converting all the negativities to positivity and creating an altogether new belief system for harmony and peace.
Happiness, peace and mind control is very imperative to implement the above seven attributes for anger control…